As we met in a Hong Kong treatment center early on a rainy evening, Stanley W., 36, realized that this is a special day. This month, he finished paying off his family debt of about $100,000 (US). What is unusual about this debt is that Stanley accrued it by gambling on the stock market.
For Stanley, it all began in college. He had a part-time job but wanted to “earn more money.” His brother had been successful with some commissions related to some stock market investments; his mother opened an investment account and lost some money. However, Stanley thought “maybe this is a way to earn money fast…. If I earn10% of my capital…. then if I have 15 times my capital, then I can earn 150%…. If I have money, I can make it big…. If I had more money, I could buy more expensive things, and my life would be better.”
Stanley had a good childhood. “When I was young, I was very smart, and always thought I would be a millionaire or a billionaire…. Because I was smart, I thought I could earn more money than others. Because I earned money in my early transactions, I thought I could earn more money fast.”
Stanley gambled on the stock market from age 20 until he was 34. For the past two years, he has not gambled. During the last year of his gambling, “I was very tired. I had many debts. I always had to find money. I was very tired…. I was thinking of my wife…. She didn’t know anything about it…. I thought, if she knew, she would go away…. I wanted to pass away so she could get my insurance money. I thought about suicide…. I was planning, but did not do it.” When she did learn about the debt, she said “you have a problem – your feeling and your thinking are very wrong. You have to go for a consultation or I won’t be with you again.”
The first time Stanley came for counseling, it was because of his wife’s urging. Stanley, however, was very ambivalent. When he came to treatment, “I thought it was a lucky time. If I had money I would win again…. I thought I was smart and I would know how to talk to the counselor… but, I thought about what is the life difference before the gambling and after the gambling: before I was very happy, my family was quite wealthy, and I had enough things compared to others; but, after the gambling I lost everything: my health, my time, my money, and almost my family… I am looking for a comfortable life, a happy family life…. I discovered that this is a problem.”
Stanley’s wife, “… appreciates the changes, she always thanks me for my hard work on the gambling, and we worked hard to clean up the debt in four years…. After the problem, we had to earn more money in a normal way… We took many more part time jobs…. We both worked…. From the time that this happened and I slept beside her, I felt very guilty…. If I didn’t have this problem, she would have a better life…. It was very hard and I would cry… I always think I am not a very good person…. But I thought that the thing I needed to do to correct my problem was to work more hard.”
“My wife is more important than money… we have enough money for a happy life – even in the past…. I think money is not so important for many different scenarios…. money is… just bad things to get more…. Enough money makes me happy in the current life…. You don’t want too huge or a lot of money… Enough is better, enough is good.”
“My Chinese name… means happy forever. Before gambling it was who I was…
now I am catching up.”